Wisconsin Rednecks, Vampires With Birthday Cake, And I Hope The Walking Dead Devour Lori Grimes’ Face.

I had some really messed up dreams this weekend. However, I only remember vague bits and pieces. I’m always disappointed when I don’t remember my dreams in full. Such a loss. They give me this legitimate outlet for all of the fantasy roiling in my brain. Little mini-stories that seek attention, wanting nothing more than the chance to have their stories told. And then I go and wake up and forget them all.

I’m a bad creator.

But I am looking for something new to write about. Maybe an idea will be sparked by these little snippets of dreams. I’ll share them, read them, read them again after a day or, and see if there’s that little spark in my mind that says, “Yes, this is a story.”

I make no guarantees that they will be good stories, but they will be stories. You tell me which one seems worthwhile.

I’m living at my Grandma’s, in Tioga, with a dear friend of mine. We’re bored. I ask what she thinks we should do and somehow the prospect of finding some “Wisconsin redneck dick” sounds like a game plan. I wake up confused, horrified, and laughing my ass off.

A vampire bought me a birthday cake. I don’t remember what they looked like, whether they were male or female, only that they were holding a birthday cake with lit candles. Maybe it wasn’t even my birthday. Who knows?

With The Walking Dead fresh in my mind, since we just watched the first season again a week or so ago, Tony finds a loaded crossbow under my bed and accuses me of having an affair with Daryl Dixon, the redneck hunter turned zombie killer. While I don’t remember anything else about that dream, I’m pretty confident the loaded crossbow had nothing to do with Daryl and everything to do with the fact that I want Rick Grimes’ wife, Lori, dead in the worst way. The day a zombie eats her face, I will throw a fucking party. She thinks her husband is dead and she can’t even wait more than a month before jumping into the sack with his best friend. And they're surrounded by zombies! Is this really the time and place to think about your libido? Sickening. So, lady, this crossbow is for you…

But for the entertainment value of the show, I hope a zombie gets to her first.

What? Too much? Well, what do you want from me? It’s Monday morning. Not exactly my finest hour. Ever.